The knocking - kokooko in Twi, the sound of a knock on a door - is the first formal step of a customary marriage across southern Ghana. The man’s family visits the woman’s family to say that he wishes to marry her and to ask for their permission. It is a meeting between two families, not a party, and it is usually small.

Customs differ between Akan, Ga, Ewe and other families, and between one family and the next. What follows is the common shape; the woman’s family decides the details, so ask them.

Who goes

  • From the man’s side: a spokesperson - often an uncle or elder who speaks well - with parents or senior relatives. The man himself may or may not attend; in some families he stays away.
  • From the woman’s side: her parents and the family’s elders, with their own spokesperson. The woman is usually called in at some point.

The families arrange a date through intermediaries first. Nobody arrives unannounced.

What is brought

The core of the knocking is the drinks, traditionally schnapps, and in some families wine or palm wine as well, with an envelope of money. Some families also expect kola nuts or gifts for the mother.

The woman’s family usually tells the man’s side what is expected. Ask - through the go-between - rather than guess. The amounts are a matter between the families, and vary widely.

What happens

  1. The man’s spokesperson greets the family and states the purpose of the visit, often in proverbs, and presents the drinks.
  2. The woman’s family asks questions about the man, his family and his intentions.
  3. The woman may be called in and asked whether she knows the man and agrees.
  4. If the family accepts the drinks, the knock is accepted. Some pour libation. Accepting the drinks is the family’s consent to the marriage going ahead.
  5. The woman’s family gives the man’s side a list - the items for the traditional marriage itself - and the two families talk about a date.

After the knocking

The traditional marriage, also called the engagement, comes later: the items on the list are presented, the bride price is paid, and the marriage is celebrated. Increasingly the knocking and the traditional marriage are held on the same day, one after the other.

A customary marriage is a marriage in law, and it can and should be registered with the district assembly. Registering it is what proves it later - for a spouse’s rights, a visa, or an estate.

— Getting married, and registering it — Inheritance when there is no will

If you are marrying into a Ghanaian family

Let your partner’s family guide you, and find a Ghanaian spokesperson if your own family is abroad or unfamiliar with the custom - many couples ask a respected friend or elder. Dress respectfully; many families wear kente or traditional cloth.

— Funerals and social obligations